The Holiday

Darling Girls ...

Im very excited just now. I've only a couple more days at work then your daddy and I are on holiday, with Dougal and Molly of course. We're off to Scotland. Granddad Brian and Grandma Christine will be there (all the way from Australia - and that's a really, really long way), as will Auntie Dawn and Uncle Michael, Great Uncle Robin and Alison and Great Grandma and Granddad.

Everyone will be there but our family wont be complete. You are so missed, every single day.

I haven't seen your Granddad since I got married to Daddy, almost three years ago. They were planning on coming across, however this was delayed when we found out we were expecting. We decided to book a cottage for three whole weeks, but I didn't have to worry about annual leave as I'd be on maternity leave. Daddy was saving up most of his though. But we knew it would be worth it.

Obviously things will be different. Not the way any of us wanted it to be. People say that you will be there, and to an extent that's true. But though you'll be with us you wont be there. And that hurts.

Granddad Brian was so happy when we told him. He has step grandchildren, who he loves absolutely, thanks to Grandma Christine but this was different.
Growing up with him was fun. He was a great dad and we used to do lots together and I always had fun, although apparently I shouldn't have written about dumping the weeds under the bridge when I had to write a 'What I did in the summer holidays' in Primary 2. He took me to my first football game. He took me to have my first Indian meal when it wasn't that common. He read through my dissertation when I was at university. He made sure I knew he loved me and that there was no pressure on me when I was coming up to exams, that I knew he was proud of me no matter what.

It would have been the same with you two. Although with living in Australia, just slightly less often. He was looking forward to baby sitting you both when Daddy and I went out for dinner in Scotland.

Your Auntie Dawn was so excited as well. Although to tell you about her would take up a whole blog itself. We had lots of fun growing up and I only hoped you would cause me half as much stress and get up to half as much mischief as we did when we were younger. We are incredibly close and I always wanted two children (at least) because of this closeness. So to be having twins seemed perfect.

As well as meeting relatives you wouldn't have done yet I would have been able to take you to places that were important to me. During the visualisation cd's I did whilst under going IVF I had to go to my 'Serenity Spot', a place which was calming, beautiful and perfect for me. This was Lunan Bay, a local beach, which is only about 3 miles from the cottage we are staying in. Whenever I need to calm myself down I simply close my eyes and think of it. Getting there with a double buggy would have been a nightmare but as with everything else its a nightmare I wish we still had.

As with Grandma Eileen and Granddad Zak, this holiday would have been another opportunity for you to be surrounded by love. It wouldn't have been possible for anyone to love you as much as daddy and I, I can promise you that, but everyone wanted to meet you. You've been wanted for so long by more than your parents.

 

Every time I write one of these posts it gives me a chance to think about you, special time where nothing else matters and I can focus on my two babies. There isn't a day goes by when I don't think of you of course but this is special. Yes it makes me sad, but it also makes me happy. It gives me a chance to use your names and that is immensely important to me. You didn't have the chance to have personalities, but that doesn't mean I've not thought about what you'd both be like.

 

Still Daddy is making dinner so I had best be going.

 

Look over us when we are on holiday - its the best we can hope for...

 

Remember though:

You are thought of

You are remembered

and you are very, very loved

 

Mummy

xxx